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Songs of the lukewarm church

October 19, 2011 Leave a comment

Thought this was kind of funny, but at the same time one of those “sad but true” things.

http://wayofthemaster.com/songofthelukewarm.shtml

This video is a parody of one of those TV CD offers…very well done:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AoDi157qdGw

These are the anthems of the lukewarm. May we all continue to make an effort to NOT let these songs be true in our lives!

Will Harold Camping (Family Radio) put his money where his mouth is?

May 26, 2011 Leave a comment

In a hilariously clever (possibly opportunistic?) development, an organization called A Bible Answer is offering to pay a measly $1 million dollars now to claim ownership over Family Radio’s entire network of 66 radio stations. The kicker is this: A Bible Answer will gladly take ownership on October 22, which is one day after the supposed destruction of the world (October 21).

http://www.christianpost.com/news/family-radio-gets-1-million-bid-for-66-stations-50531/

So, if Harold Camping really believes what he’s preaching, he should have no problems with agreeing to this deal. His radio “ministry” will have an extra $1 million to work with now, and they will hand over the reins to their mini-empire at a time when it shouldn’t matter anyway.

This will be a fun story to follow. I can see Mr. Camping’s excuse now: “Well, in good conscience, I couldn’t sell them something that will be destroyed anyway.” Oh geez…

On a side note, I’m definitely of the opinion that Mr. Camping is a heretic, plain and simple. In an effort to justify is May 21 prediction, he’s now saying that a “spiritual Rapture” DID take place. And therefore, it is no longer possible for unsaved people to receive salvation before the end of the world. He’s not only trying to cover his behind, but he’s now trying to kill evangelism. Incredible.

The old man and the flood (not Noah)

April 22, 2011 Leave a comment

Well, it’s been a heavy week, talking about Hell and such. So let’s go into the weekend with a joke! =)

***

An old man is sitting on his porch, when suddenly someone drives up in a jeep, yelling, “Quick! Get into my jeep! The dam just burst and this whole place is going to be flooded!”

The old man says, “Naw, you just go on ahead. The good Lord will take care of me!”

The guy in the jeep zooms off. The water starts pouring in, and the old man has to move up to the second floor of his house. Someone paddles by his window in a canoe and says, “Quick! Get into my canoe! The water is going to keep rising!”

The old man says, “Naw, you just go on ahead. The good Lord will take care of me!”

The guy in the canoe paddles off.

The water keeps rising, and finally the old man is sitting on the top of his chimney, with the water lapping at his ankles. A helicopter flies overhead and lowers a rope ladder down. Someone in the helicopter says, “Quick! Climb up! The water’s still rising!”

The old man says, “Naw, you just go on ahead. The good Lord will take care of me!”

The helicopter flies off. The water keeps rising. The old man drowns.

The old man finds himself before the Lord in Heaven. The old man says, “How could you let me drown! I trusted you!”

The Lord says, “Hey, I tried. I sent a jeep, a canoe, and a helicopter for you!”

(Credit to: http://www.britneyisdead.com/ReligiousJokes.html)

***

Some of you may have heard this joke before. I think it’s both funny and enlightening. When we pray to God and ask for things, sometimes we impose an answer upon him. When He answers in a way we don’t like or expect, it’s like we sometimes cover our ears and eyes to God’s will.

Let’s take the earwax out of our spiritual ears and really listen. Let’s never forget to put on our spiritual glasses before we trek out into this world. And let’s be prepared for any answer God gives us, even if we don’t like it!

This Muslim has Christians all figured out (?)

April 1, 2011 3 comments

http://www.bismikaallahuma.org/archives/2005/one-hundred-christian-proofs-of-islamic-falsehood/

This is a list of 100 so-called proofs we Christians have against Islam.

[Note: This list was not written by the author to be funny. I wish it was an April Fool’s joke. This was a Muslim site’s attempts to actually show how ridiculous Christians’ objections to the Islamic faith are. What’s ridiculous is how off-the-mark this list is.]

Here are some samples and my translations, not necessarily in order. Remember, this is supposedly from the viewpoint of the Christian believer, so the “I” refers to Christians. Warning: Some of this may be inappropriate.

6) ARGUMENT FROM OBLIGATIONS

  • Muslims are obligated to pray to God 5 times a day while bowing down and reciting from the Qur’an.
  • Muslims are also obligated to fast during the Holy Month of Ramadan.
  • Islam teaches other things which are simply too hard to stick to, and also unnecessary in my opinion. I would rather accept Jesus and be saved, because it’s easier.

Therefore, Islam is false.

[Translation: Christians are lazy, and therefore don’t want to accept a truthful religion like Islam if it’s inconvenient.]

19) ARGUMENT FROM POLYGAMY

  • Islam teaches polygamy.
  • Even though it is taught in the Bible, you have to read between the lines and also find other verses which contradict it.
  • I also disagree with polygamy, personally.
  • I do not think God would allow polygamy.

Therefore, Islam is false.

[Translation: If you want to have multiple wives, become a Muslim today!]

22) ARGUMENT FROM INSULT

  • A Muslim insulted me once.

Therefore, Islam is false.

[Translation: Christians are extremely petty and their reasons for rejecting Islam are equally petty.]

54) ARGUMENT FROM MARRIAGE TO AISHA

  • Muhammad was married to a 6-year old girl named Aisha.
  • God would never allow this to happen.
  • Muhammad was the founder of Islam however.

Therefore, Islam is false.

[Translation: Hmmm…I’d say this one actually works in the Christians’ favor, sir.]

5) ARGUMENT FROM I DON’T THINK GOD WOULD ALLOW THIS

  • Islam teaches that believers will have maximum pleasure in Paradise; which includes sexual pleasure among other things.
  • I don’t think that God would allow sexual pleasure in Paradise.

Therefore, Islam is false.

[Translation: Christians object to Islam because they are prudes who don’t like to have sex. Also, Muslims will get to have sex for eternity in Paradise, whereas the Christians will not. If you like sex, become a Muslim.]

94) ARGUMENT FROM SEXUAL RESTRICTIONS

  • Islam forbids anal sexual intercourse.
  • I do not like that.

Therefore, Islam is false.

[Translation: Oops, maybe those Christians aren’t prudes after all! Apparently, Christians all love to have anal sex, which keeps them from accepting the teachings of Islam. Bogus.]

34) ARGUMENT FROM VAMPIRE MOVIES

  • Vampires in movies are harmed by coming in contact with a cross.

Therefore, Islam is false.

[Translation: …uh, what??]

53) ARGUMENT FROM DESPERATION (see #77)

  • F***k you.

Therefore, Islam is false.

BONUS SECTION (try to tell the difference between mine and the Muslim site’s):

101) ARGUMENT FROM BEING A BIG, FAT AMERICAN

  • Hardly any Muslims are obese.
  • I like to eat hamburgers and hot dogs all day to the point where my BMI will shoot past 30.

Therefore, Islam is false.

102) ARGUMENT FROM ANTI-APOSTROPHE BIAS

  • The name of the holy book, the Qur’an, has an apostrophe in it.
  • I do not like apostrophes, and I sometimes miss the key when I type on the keyboard.
  • I do not have this problem with the Bible.

Therefore, Islam is false.

103) ARGUMENT FROM EVIDENCE-SEEKING NERDS

  • Islam has no evidence for its claims that can be confirmed by any external means, even though it does not need it because it comes from the mouth of Allah directly into a great prophet’s head.
  • People who need some external evidence are nerds.
  • I am a nerd.

Therefore, Islam is false.

104) ARGUMENT FROM THE LACK OF REPUTABLE MUSLIM SCIENTISTS

  • Muslim scientists have not achieved much in the field of science, nor have they won hardly any Nobel Peace Prizes.
  • I like to ignore the fact that Allah has already told us everything we need to know about science, including that the human embryo at one point looks like chewing gum, which is true, just as Muhammad spoke.
  • I also like to forget that Arabic science was the most advanced in the world from the 8th to the 14th centuries!

Therefore, Islam is false.

105) ARGUMENT FROM SOUNDS I LIKE

  • Converting to the Islam faith–while very reasonable and smart–would require me to call myself a “Muslim.”
  • I like being called a “Christian.” It sounds better.

Therefore, Islam is false.